


Paint by Numbers

by astudyinfic



Series: Apocalypse AU [3]
Category: Cut & Run - Madeleine Urban & Abigail Roux
Genre: Alternate Universe - Afterlife, Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Digger-centric, Four Horsemen, Friendship, Humor, M/M, Paintball
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22245439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astudyinfic/pseuds/astudyinfic
Summary: Nick needs Digger to get out of the office for a little while.  Just a week while he smoothed something over with accounting.Thankfully, he has good friends who won't leave him to spend it alone.
Relationships: Duruand "Digger" Garrigou & Owen Johns, Sidewinder - Relationship, Zane Garrett/Ty Grady
Series: Apocalypse AU [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1575010
Comments: 12
Kudos: 20





	Paint by Numbers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mindfluff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mindfluff/gifts).



> Happy birthday, Michele! Hope you enjoy this! (I made sure to include some adverbs because I know you love them so much!)

It was a far cry from the jungles of Vietnam. When he woke in an office at a job interview, Digger was most horrified by the fact that he was wearing a suit. A SUIT! It wasn’t even a nice one. Polyester blend? Who wore that?

The tall man sitting across the table from him smiled knowingly, giving him a moment to get his bearings. “Duruand Garrigou. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. Wish it be under better circumstances.”

Digger blinked. No one ever said his name right. No one but his mama, that is. “Wish I could say the same but I don’t know who you are or where I am? I’m supposed to be fighting a war ‘bout now.”

The man smiled, apologetic and a little sad. “Well, you were doing that. It...didn’t end well. You’re dead. Sucks, I know.”

“Oh, my mama is going to be so pissed.”

The man’s eyes went foggy for a moment and then he nodded. “Yeah, she’s going to, and I quote, ‘whoop your ass’ when she gets here.” His eyes cleared and he leaned forward, resting his chin on his hands. “My name is Deuce though a lot of people just call me Upstairs. I’m in charge around here.”

“You’re God? Not exactly what I pictured.”

“Not God. Just...management.”

What proceeded was the strangest job interview Digger had ever heard of. And in the end, this man Deuce escorted him to an office two floors down and introduced him to a tall, red haired man named Nick. “Nick, I found you a new horseman. Have Owen help him out until he gets everything figured out. Good luck, Digger.”

Deuce stepped back into the elevator and disappeared back upstairs, leaving Digger alone with this man in a hallway with a number of closed doors. “Digger, was it?” Nick asked and Digger looked back at him, nodding. 

Nick was taller than him but not by much. Maybe an inch or two. At first glance, you might not think much of him but it was clear in the way he held himself that Nick could probably take on anyone and win. He was impressive. And apparently Digger’s new boss. 

Not that he knew what this new job was. 

“Welcome to the team. I’ll introduce you to the rest of them later but I’m Nick. I’m Armageddon and the five of you report to me. For major events, we all go out together. Otherwise, I just send out whoever’s specialty is needed.”

Nick was already walking down the hall when Digger finally asked, “What _is_ the job? That Deuce guy didn’t exactly explain things.”

Rolling his eyes towards the ceiling, Nick sighed. “Of course he didn’t. Leaves that to me.” He offered a smile and a shrug. “You’re one of the five horsemen of the apocalypse.”

“You mean four?” 

“No, five. Most scriptures get that wrong.”

Digger nodded before pausing and gaping at him. “Wait, you’re not joking. You really mean the _horsemen_ of the apocalypse?”

Nick nodded. “You’re the new horseman of Pollution. It’s a newer position. Only been around since the mid eighteenth century. You’re the second. First one had a nervous breakdown and retired to a lovely moon orbiting Gliese 357. We wish her all the best.”

Each of the doors they walked past had a different symbol on them. One had a scythe, another a set of scales. One had a bow and arrow and one a sword. And the last one had a crown. “This one is you. Office of Pollution. It connects to the office of Pestilence. You two will work together. Most belief systems in the universe think you two are the same person. But your positions are very different. Kelly is... You’ll like him once you get used to him.”

It was too much. So much information and Digger wondered if he would ever get used to this if it would ever feel normal. If he would ever feel like he belonged.

Eventually, he did. 

One of the first things he learned was that time moved differently. The horseman of Death had been there for years but died decades after Digger. Death was in a relationship with Famine who had died almost a hundred and fifty years before either of them but was the next newest member of the team after Digger. Upstairs was younger than them all and was actually Death’s mortal little brother. None of it made any sense, so as long as you didn’t think about it too hard, everything was fine.

“Digger!” Nick’s voice carried down the hall, reaching his office as if he were just outside the door. Both Digger and Kelly stuck their heads out the door. “Whatever you two are up to, let Kelly handle it. I need to talk to you.”

“Be right back, Doc,” Digger said with a bright grin, hurrying to the boss’s office. His numbers had been spectacular lately so he knew he wasn’t in trouble. He also knew that he’d done nothing to earn those numbers but Nick couldn’t fault him for that. The humans were more than happy to pollute earth all on their own. That planet alone brought him his yearly quota in less than a month. After that, he showed up when necessary and helped Owen and Kelly when he had nothing else to do. 

He slipped into the office and offered Nick a sarcastic salute. “You wanted to see me, boss man?”

“Your numbers have been great. The rest of the team can’t keep up,” Nick said without preface, gesturing for Digger to take the seat across from him. “In fact, the numbers are so skewed, we’re going to need you to take a bit of a break.”

“You know that won’t help, O. They’re doing it all on their own. Even if I’m gone, my numbers will continue to grow.”

Nick offered a small smile. “I know that and you know that but the accountants aren’t understanding it right now. So, I need you to take a week off, go on vacation somewhere you won’t cause any serious damage and let me sort it out with accounting.”

None of it made any sense but Digger shrugged and agreed anyway. He wasn’t about to turn down a free vacation. Without any explanation, he bid farewell to the rest of the boys and headed out, anxious to get out of the building. 

His first stop was earth, namely the Lousiana bayou where he grew up. Even after all these years (he thought, Digger really couldn’t get a handle on the movement of time now that he was something other than human), he still considered this home. The sound of the cicadas, the thick warm air, the gators happy to take your leg off if you get too close. Nowhere in the universe would ever compare. 

He stepped out onto the porch of his home, taking a deep breath and frowning almost instantly. While the air was thick and warm like he remembered, there was something acrid and unpleasant where it would normally be swampy and sweet. Looking out, he saw several tires floating out in the water just outside his home, bobbing along as if they belonged there. And an oil stain spread across the porch where he stood. 

With a muttered curse, Digger left as quickly as he’d come, not wanting to ruin the one place in the universe he wanted to remain untouched by his work. At least as much as he could help it. The humans were doing a fine job on their own. 

Remembering Nick’s admonition to go somewhere he would cause minimal damage, Digger instead chose a small, dead planet, one with a similar atmosphere to Louisiana but none of the life that teemed everywhere one looked in the bayou. Not exactly a prime vacation destination but at least he didn’t need to worry about crowds. 

It took forty-five minutes before Digger was bored enough to blow something up. Small explosions at first but eventually they grew large enough to create several new canyons that the planet had never seen. That provided a day’s entertainment, and he did enjoy the spectacular sunset, made vibrant by the smog that seemed omnipresent whenever he traveled. But after that, Digger just wanted to go home. He knew he couldn’t, or at least shouldn’t, but that hadn’t stopped him before. 

Just before he could head home, practicing his contrite expression for when Nick told him off, an audible pop sounded off to his side. “You made it longer than I expected,” Owen said, raising a brow, hands on his hips. “Though, the destruction here is impressive. Any of those IEDs I could put into use somewhere? I know I have a world war coming up in Cypheus and am really looking for ways to make it different.”

Digger pulled his best friend and fellow horseman into a hug. “What are you doing here, Ozone? You banished too?”

“Not exactly. Thought you would be getting restless so I brought entertainment.” A quick glance behind Owen brought an even brighter grin to his lips. 

Ty and Zane stood there, glancing around the desolate landscape, nodding in approval. “Well, we shouldn’t be able to do much damage here,” Zane muttered, and Ty had the audacity to look disappointed. “Listen, our last date ended with a small town dead when all their stored food rotted away. It would be nice to go somewhere without death and destruction for a change.”

“I thought you liked death,” Ty said with a grin, pulling Zane close.

“I _love_ capital D Death. Lower case death is just messy and unpleasant.”

Owen cleared his throat and both he and Digger rolled their eyes in unison. “This is not a romantic holiday. This is a serious mission to keep Digger occupied so knock it off.” Owen’s glare had them both nodding, and Digger didn’t even try to repress the laugh. Not many people could get those two to behave. Nick and Deuce had both tried and failed many times. This was why they needed Owen. He could have anyone cowering with just a look. 

War did that to a man.

“What did you have in mind, Ozone? I am under strict orders to keep away from anything that might increase my numbers. Don’t want the big man coming down on me.” Whatever Owen had in mind, Digger was on board. Aside from Kelly, Owen was the one Digger worked with the most. Then Zane. As much as everyone loved Ty, his position held him a little apart from everyone else.

With a snap of Owen’s fingers, a gun appeared in each of their hands. “Paintball,” he announced gleefully. “Ty and Zane against you and me. For the rest of the week, no holds barred. Julian is on hand if someone dies because otherwise, Ty would cheat.”

“I would not!”

“Sorry, doll, but we all know that you would.” Zane looked over the gun, checking each of its parts to make sure it was complete and functional. “This hardly seems fair, however. This game plays into both of your strengths. Weaponry and messes are more your things than ours.”

Owen shrugged, unapologetic. “Then you better figure out how to beat us because the game starts in five minutes.”

Ty and Zane both glared at him before vanishing with a pop. “It really isn’t fair,” Digger pointed out but he wasn’t complaining. Much more fun this way, as far as he was concerned. 

“Yeah, and they haven’t even discovered their guns are malfunctioning yet. Most likely they will before they shoot them but if not, we’ll be able to hear the Tyrade from another part of the galaxy.”

Digger laughed, glad to have the boys there with him. It would have been a long week by himself. “So, how did you get the boss man to let you all off for the week?”

“Doc is helping Nick deal with accounting. There’s a minor outbreak on Tau Ceti but Cameron is handling that. Because Cam is involved, Julian is taking over Ty’s duties while he is here getting his ass shot at. I’m not sure which part of that was the bigger draw for him? Working with Cameron or all but assuring Ty got shot.”

“A little of this and a little of that, I suspect.” Why Upstairs had seen it necessary to give Julian to Ty as his assistant, Digger would never understand. But he wasn’t one to question Deuce. The man - deity, whatever - clearly knew what he was doing. 

“Well, let’s go blow them back to HQ. I would love to see Ty have to do the recorporation paperwork for a change.”

For the next six days, the four of them chased one another around the desolate landscape. New craters opened up where Ty and Zane attempted to take a break. Variously colors dotted the otherwise drab ground. None of them actually died but Julian showed up several times, arms crossed and smirk tugging at his lips as he waited to pull one of them right back home. 

At the end of the seventh day, when the planet looked more like a Jackson Pollock painting than an uninhabited world, Nick showed up, glancing around with a heavy sigh. “I thought I asked you to keep a low profile and not do anything drastic.”

“One, you never said anything about low profile, just that I couldn’t work. And I didn’t work. There’s nothing here to destroy. Get everything worked out.”

Nick rolled his eyes but nodded. “Yeah, I think accounting finally figured out that we don’t cause all of the war, famine, disease, and pollution in the universe. Just the ones that end in an apocalypse. They’re currently writing a sternly worded memo to Eli to talk to him about the imbalance on Earth. Seems Liam has been working overtime.”

“Yeah, that sounds like the asshole.” Digger didn’t have a lot of respect for the man. Sure, he played an important part in existence but that didn’t mean they had to like him.

“So, come on home. I know Kelly has something to show you. He tried to explain to me but... Well, it’s more your thing than mine.”

Digger gave him a jaunty salute. “Whatever you say, O. You’re the boss.”

Looking at the destruction all around him, at four of his horseman covered in paint and bruises and bright smiles, Nick just sighed. “Yeah, I know. Don’t remind me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on [tumblr](http://astudyinfic.tumblr.com) or [twitter](http://twitter.com/astudyinfic)
> 
> Also, we made a [Cut & Run discord channel](https://discord.gg/KFfErkb) if anyone is interested in joining and yelling at us about the books we all love.


End file.
